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Why High School Relationships DO NOT Work

Karime

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Highschool. It place where you create lifelong memories and where most teenagers find themselves being interested in relationships and “fall in love for the first time:and people find their “forever”. I have always a strong believer that most high school relationships do not work. Before entering the hellhole that is public high school i told myself “Whatever you do , DO NOT get into a relationship until you are done with high school, here they do not last”, that was until i met someone who changed my mind, an awkward junior that i had met the summer prior. I don’t know why but the idea of having a boyfriend , more specifically having this boy as a boyfriend , fascinated me and to make matters even worse he was an upperclassman while i was still a innocent freshman that would get lost on her way to class. Well lets just say or relationship was rocky and we lacked communication and if i’m honest was just plain awkward which lead to breakups and awkward eye contact in the halls as we tried our best to avoid each other to the point where i had mapped which ways he went to his classes and i made sure to change my route to class to avoid him. As a year went by and he went into his last year of high school and i myself become a sophomore (which knew how to locate a class. Woo!)  we both decided to give it another go. People change in a year and we thought this relationship would as well and so far it did. We did what we did not the first time around and that was communication and it was truly the first time i felt the love in the relationship and he gave me hope that relationships in highschool are worth it.that it would truly last. Everything was great, until it wasn’t. We began to lack in communication and that irritated my soul, and we fight and he decides at times to not talk to me for weeks on end and the cycle continues. I’m constantly told that i should break up with him and i could find someone who truly treats me better and my response is “I have my reasons to choose to stay with him because good things come to those who wait” but recently i’ve had my doubts and stopped beliving that this was true . So I decided to put my theory to the test. I talked to recently broken up couple of nearly two years , Andrea Zermeno and Ricardo . I Sat with them together and individually to get their points across.

My sit down with both of them together was quite interesting, and by intresting i mean they did not face each other. As this former couple has not talked to each other since the breakup i thought it would be more comfortable for the two to be back to back , facing away from each other and surely enough they agreed to the idea. They seemed open to idea to sit down because they felt the time was right to sit down and talk it out and get some closure. To everyone around them , Andrea and Ricardo were the picture perfect couple and being close friends to both of them, they were a prime example of the kind of relationship I strived to be  in. While talking to them both , they explained their relationship and how perfect , Ricardo explained it as “ Love stacked on love. Like all that passion , all that feeling put all together it was just like perfection.” . The way they described the relationship and what they felt for each other , you’d never assume there were any problems or issues in this relationship but a lot can happen behind closed doors. “It started the summer before we broke up , with all our problems we started to have , we started getting in to more fights and it all started because i would see pictures of him in different places , places he would go without telling me and it kinda bothered me not just because i didn’t trust him, because i did trust him but i just wanted him to tell me the truthexplained Andrea. From hearing both their points of view, fight were one of the reasons that lead to the breakup. Fights about one being jealous , lying about one’s whereabouts , and even fights about a picture. To an extend jealousy was a huge factor. On the plus side the couple had hopes for the future, “I would say yes i wanted us to be together forever because we talked about it and then everything was fine we never really argured but when we had fights we get over it” says Andrea. I found this very interesting because i recently read an article on high school relationships leading to a future marriage. According to this article , only 2% of high school relationships continue on to the commitment of marriage. Now if you surpass the ridiculously small amount , 58% of those marriages end up in a divorce. “There wasn’t a time where i was like “oh we’re going to break up” like there wasn’t a day but until it reached the end but i would” Ricardo explains and the faithful day the couple dreaded came…the end for say. “Well i was in a deep emotion like depression gets the best of you and i push people away and i guess i pushed her away and i didnt want to be around anyone and i isolated myself from that point” was Ricardo’s explanation for the breakup , while Andrea’s was different as she said he was unclear why he wanted to break up in the first place. “I wish i could have been more open about it, i was too isolated and never felt comfortable and i was just locked myself up, i wish i could of changed that” Says Ricardo. Clearly there are many regrets now that the relationship has ended. “I wish i could have not let  a lot of people get into it because we had a lot of people tell me things about him like he was seeing another girl…It made me lose trust in him and that’s what i would have changed maybe talking to him about that instead of hiding it and starting fights over it” says Andrea. They go onto explain that a main lack in their relationship was the communication. As far as the breakup aftermath, both took it similar , doing regretful thing and generally being a mess , as a typical broken up couple would react to ending. As for their relationship now , “Like we don’t talk anymore like we used to but like but i feel like there’s a sense of just avoiding each other like i don’t know its just but we won’t even look at each other” explains Ricardo. Now throughout this interview , the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. You could feel how uncomfortable both of them were so i decided to take matters into my own hands and do individual follow up interview to get the truth out of both of them.

 

During the individual interviews though, they both were a little bit more honest. Now originally there was not going to be a follow up  / individual interviews , as I didn’t find it necessary, but afterward I felt there were still things that needed to be said. Both expressed some concerns during their interview together and I decided that this was the best option to get the honest truth out of both of them and I was right they were both way more honestly individually that separated . Now Andrea expressed how she felt about Ricardo’s answers by saying “I don’t know i still feel that he lied in some parts, i still don’t believe him. I feel like what people have been telling me is true because i can’t find a reason why they would tell me something that is not true. I know that he’s going to say that i trust more people than i do him but why would i trust someone to hurt me when they are taking care of me when he didn’t. Of course i’m going to trust those who didn’t hurt me”. I talked to Ricardo about her concerns “I mean, i know my truth i know what happened i didn’t lie , i know the truth but rumors got to her because honestly if you guys really want me to i can tell you right here right now what really happened like i told yo what happened yesterday i can go in a expanded format of it because i didn’t lie and i’m sorry if i made her feel that way with all my heart i’m sorry” . Now this just proves that the lack of communication was a main cause for the end of this relationship, Andrea believed one thing, Ricardo another , showing just how much they truly lacked communication . “i feel like you regret something that you loved then what was the point f starting it in the first place because as life goes on why would you want to live a life full of regrets. It should be lived like “oh i wish i would’ve done this instead of that” explains Ricardo as I asked him if he regret the relationship. Andrea on the other hand was very confused on how she felt. These two definitely made me think of a lot of issues faced by young couples today. Now looking back to what they had said prior to the interview it was clear that they had a lot more that they wanted to say but seemed to be afraid to say in front of each other. To me this former couple is still in desperate need of closure.

 

As a young journalist, I’ve never been put in a different mindset as much as I was during this interview . This former couple made me realize a lot of things about my own relationship. During a individual interview, I told Ricardo of my situation and he gave me advice “if we are being honest if he didn’t care about you he’ll show it wouldn’t he? If you feel like you have something, you have it , you just have to show him like that you want to be with him and show him that you car , show him that you’re there for him, show him that you are willing to open up to him” and that stuck with me, especially the the part where he mentioned him showing me if he cared. These two made me realize how important communication is in a relationship and as Andrea told “Communication is key”. It made me realize what I was doing wrong in my own relationship and the things that I shouldn’t feel guilty for doing , such as trying to be there for him when he doesn’t want me too. I wanted us to last long time , and that 2% is what keeps me going but these two made me realize that the 2% works if you wants it to, it depends on how hard the couple chooses to make it to that small percentile. It made me think of what my next steps are in my dysfunctional relationship and how I choose to move forward. As much as us teenagers claim to be “in love” we don’t really understand the concept of love or what it really means to commit to someone and what this couple taught me during this whole process, will stay with my with the next steps of my relationship and closure.

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